The Beginner's Guide to Reframing Negative Thoughts (in 3 Minutes or Less)
The Reframe Formula
Here's the simple formula I use every time:
Step 1: Catch the thought What is your brain telling you right now?
Step 2: Question it Is this thought 100% true? Is it helpful? What assumptions am I making?
Step 3: Find what else could be true What's a more accurate, realistic, helpful way to think about this?
That's it. Three steps. Takes about 2-3 minutes once you get the hang of it.
Let me show you how it works in real life.
Step-by-Step: A Real Example from My Life
Here's what’s been happening recently while planning this workshop.
Step 1: Catch the thought "Nobody's going to sign up for this workshop. I'm wasting my time. I should just give up now."
Step 2: Question it
Is it 100% true that nobody will sign up? No. I can't predict the future.
Is this thought helpful? Absolutely not. It's making me want to quit.
What assumptions am I making? That I know how this will go before I even try. That success means a packed workshop on the first try.
Step 3: Find what else could be true "I don't know how many people will sign up. What I DO know is that I'm building something valuable. Even if 5 people show up, that's 5 people I can help. And this is my first workshop. Nobody nails it perfectly the first time."
The result? Same situation (planning a workshop with no guarantee of attendance). Completely different thought. Instead of spiraling into "why bother," I kept working on it.
That's the power of reframing.
Why Reframing Isn't About Forcing Positivity
I need to say this again because it's important: reframing is not about convincing yourself everything is great when it's not.
It's about accuracy.
Your brain loves to catastrophize. It loves to make assumptions. It loves to jump to worst-case scenarios and present them as facts.
Reframing is just reality-checking your brain.
When your brain says "I'm terrible at this," reframing asks "Am I actually terrible, or am I still learning?"
When your brain says "Everyone thinks I'm incompetent," reframing asks "Do I actually know what everyone thinks, or am I mind-reading?"
When your brain says "This will never work," reframing asks "How do I know that for sure? What evidence do I have?"
You're not forcing positivity. You're forcing accuracy.
And accurate thoughts are almost always more helpful than catastrophic ones.
Common Reframing Mistakes to Avoid
Here are the mistakes I see beginners make:
Mistake #1: Making the reframe too positive. Don't jump from "I'm failing" to "I'm amazing and everything is perfect!" That won't feel true and you won't believe it. Instead: "I'm learning. Progress is messy. I'm figuring it out."
Mistake #2: Skipping the questioning step. You can't just slap a new thought over the old one. You have to question whether the negative thought is actually true first. Otherwise your brain will reject the reframe immediately.
Mistake #3: Expecting to feel better instantly. Reframing changes your thought. The feeling shift comes after, sometimes gradually. Don't judge whether it "worked" by how you feel in the next 30 seconds.
Mistake #4: Only reframing when things are terrible. Reframing works best when you practice it regularly, not just in crisis mode. Catch small negative thoughts and reframe those too. Build the skill.
Examples of "Failures" That Are Actually Successes
Let me reframe some common "failures" for you:
"My mind wandered during meditation." Success. You NOTICED it wandered. That's the practice.
"I forgot to use my mindfulness tool when I was stressed." Success. You REMEMBERED afterwards. Next time you might remember during. That's how learning works.
"I caught myself catastrophizing but I couldn't stop it." Success. You CAUGHT yourself. That's the first step. Stopping it comes with practice.
"I used a reframing technique but I didn't believe the new thought." Success. You PRACTICED the skill. Believing it comes with repetition.
"I meditated for three days then forgot for a week." Success. You meditated for THREE DAYS. That's three more days than before.
See what I'm doing here? Every single one of these is progress. But we label them as failures because we're expecting perfection.
Beginners don't fail. They just learn messily.
Practice Exercise You Can Try Right Now
Let's practice together.
Think of one negative thought you've had recently. Maybe it's:
"I'm not good enough"
"I'll never figure this out"
"Everyone else has it together except me"
"I'm so behind"
Got one? Good.
Now work through the formula:
Step 1: Write it down What exactly is your brain telling you?
Step 2: Question it
Is this 100% true, or is it a feeling/assumption?
Is this thought helping me or hurting me?
What am I assuming that might not be accurate?
Step 3: Reframe it What's one more realistic, helpful thought?
Write that down too.
Notice how different the reframed thought feels? That's what you're going for.
Why This Matters More Than You Think
Reframing isn't just a "nice-to-have" mindset tool.
It's the difference between staying stuck and moving forward.
Because here's what happens when you don't reframe negative thoughts:
You believe them as facts
You make decisions based on them
You create a self-fulfilling prophecy
When you think "I'm going to fail at this," you don't try as hard. You self-sabotage. You prove yourself right.
When you reframe it to "I'm still learning this," you keep trying. You give yourself permission to be imperfect. You create space for growth.
Your thoughts shape your actions. Your actions shape your results.
So yes, changing your thoughts actually matters.
What I Wish I'd Known Sooner
I spent years believing every negative thought my brain offered up.
"I'm not ready." Okay, I won't start. "I'm going to fail." Okay, I won't try. "Nobody cares." Okay, I won't share.
It didn't occur to me that I could question those thoughts. That I could choose different ones. That I had any control over the narrative my brain was spinning.
Once I learned to reframe? Everything changed.
Not because my life suddenly got easier. But because I stopped making it harder with my own thoughts.
Book Bite: From CBT Pioneer, David Burns
"You feel the way you think." — David Burns, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
David Burns literally wrote the book on cognitive behavioral therapy and reframing negative thoughts. His core message? Your thoughts create your feelings. Change the thought, change the feeling.
But here's what makes his approach different: he's not asking you to think happy thoughts. He's asking you to think ACCURATE thoughts.
When your brain tells you "I'm a complete failure," CBT asks: "Is that true? What's the evidence?" Not "think positive!" but "think clearly."
Reframing isn't about forcing fake positivity. It's about reality-checking the catastrophic stories your brain loves to tell. And that reality check? It changes everything.
Your Next Step
This week, practice reframing just once a day.
Catch one negative thought. Question it. Reframe it.
That's it. One thought per day.
Don't try to reframe everything. Don't pressure yourself to be perfect at it. Just practice the skill.
The more you do it, the faster and more natural it becomes.
And eventually? You'll catch yourself mid-spiral and reframe automatically, without even thinking about it.
That's when you know it's working.
Ready to learn how to reframe your thoughts in real-time?
👉I'm hosting a 60-minute workshop in January called "Mindset for Skeptics: A crash course in quieting your brain, for people who hate sitting still." Join the waitlist to be the first to know when registration opens: JOIN THE WAITLIST
