The Beginner's Dirty Secret: We All Think We're Doing It Wrong
Before I tell you this story, let me say: if you think you're "bad at mindset work," you're not. You're just a beginner. And beginners think they're doing it wrong. (Spoiler: they're not.)
Okay, story time.
When I first started meditating, I was convinced I was doing it wrong.
My brain wouldn't shut up. I'd sit there trying to focus on my breath, and within seconds I'd be thinking about my to-do list, that email I forgot to send, what I was making for dinner...
Every. Single. Time.
I'd catch myself and think "Son of a, I lost focus again. I suck at this."
But Dan Harris (“10% Happier”) was pretty clear in explaining that this was normal. That the wandering mind WAS the practice. That noticing and coming back was the whole point.
So, I kept going with my daily-ish meditation practice. Some days it felt like progress, most days it felt like chaos. And eventually? It clicked.
Not in some big enlightenment moment. Just... gradually. It got easier to notice when my mind wandered. Easier to bring it back without judging myself.
Here's the thing though: I still feel like I'm doing it wrong sometimes. Even now.
But that's the whole point. You trying is enough.
Every Beginner Thinks They're Uniquely Bad at This
Here's the dirty secret nobody tells you when you start mindset, mindfulness, or meditation work:
Everyone thinks they're the only one who can't get it to work.
Everyone thinks their brain is too busy, too resistant, too broken.
Everyone thinks there's something wrong with them because their mind wanders during meditation, or they forget to use their tools when they're stressed, or they snap at someone right after reading about patience.
You know why everyone thinks this?
Because we're all comparing our messy, chaotic beginnings to everyone else's highlight reel. We see people posting about their "transformative meditation practice" and assume they're sitting there in perfect Zen while we're over here thinking about tacos 🌮 and wondering if we left the stove on.
But here's the truth: those people started exactly where you are. Messy. Distracted. Convinced they were doing it wrong.
The only difference? They kept going anyway.
There's No "Right Way"—Only YOUR Way
One of the biggest myths about mindset work is that there's a correct way to do it.
There isn't.
Meditation doesn't require you to sit cross-legged on a cushion at 5am. Mindfulness doesn't mean you have to do body scans or breathwork. Mindset shifts don't happen in a specific timeline.
What works for someone else might not work for you. And that's fine.
Some people meditate lying down. Some people do walking meditations. Some people (me) do three-minute breathing exercises before meetings.
Some people journal to process their thoughts. Some people talk it out. Some people just notice their patterns and make mental notes.
There is no "right way." There's only the way that works for YOU.
And figuring out what works for you? That's part of the process. Not a sign you're failing at it.
Your Wandering Mind IS the Practice
Let's talk about meditation for a second.
You know what meditation actually is? It's noticing when your mind wanders and bringing it back.
That's it. That's the whole practice.
It's not about achieving a blank mind. It's not about sitting in perfect stillness with zero thoughts. It's not about transcending into some higher state of consciousness.
It's about noticing your mind wandered (again) and gently bringing it back (again).
So when your brain goes: "What should I make for dinner?" → Bring it back to your breath. "Did I send that email?" → Bring it back. "Am I doing this right?" → Bring it back. "This is stupid." → Bring it back.
Every single time you bring your attention back, you're succeeding. Not failing.
Your wandering mind isn't the problem. It's the entire point.
Progress Isn't Linear (And That's Normal)
Here's another thing beginners don't expect: progress isn't a straight line.
You'll have a great week where you catch yourself spiraling and successfully reframe your thoughts. You'll feel like you're getting it.
Then you'll have a terrible day where you snap at someone, spiral for three hours, and forget every tool you've ever learned.
And you'll think: "See? I'm not actually getting better. This doesn't work for me."
But that's not how it works.
Progress looks like this: two steps forward, one step back. One great week, two mediocre weeks. A moment of clarity followed by a week of chaos.
You're not failing. You're just experiencing the completely normal, non-linear process of growth.
The fact that you NOTICED you snapped at someone? That's progress.
The fact that you RECOGNIZED you were spiraling, even if you couldn't stop it? That's progress.
The fact that you remembered your tools exist, even if you couldn't access them in the moment? That's progress.
You don't go from beginner to expert in a straight line. You zigzag your way there. And every zigzag is still moving you forward.
Examples of "Failures" That Are Actually Successes
Let me reframe some common "failures" for you:
"My mind wandered during meditation." Success. You NOTICED it wandered. That's the practice.
"I forgot to use my mindfulness tool when I was stressed." Success. You REMEMBERED afterwards. Next time you might remember during. That's how learning works.
"I caught myself catastrophizing but I couldn't stop it." Success. You CAUGHT yourself. That's the first step. Stopping it comes with practice.
"I used a reframing technique but I didn't believe the new thought." Success. You PRACTICED the skill. Believing it comes with repetition.
"I meditated for three days then forgot for a week." Success. You meditated for THREE DAYS. That's three more days than before.
See what I'm doing here? Every single one of these is progress. But we label them as failures because we're expecting perfection.
Beginners don't fail. They just learn messily.
Book Bite: From Meditation Teacher, Sharon Salzberg
"The practice isn't about getting anywhere. It's about being where you are and knowing it." — Sharon Salzberg, Real Happiness
Sharon Salzberg has been teaching meditation for decades, and one of her most powerful messages is this: there is no "doing it wrong."
Your mind will wander. You'll get distracted. You'll wonder if it's working. That's not failure—that's the practice.
The whole point of meditation (and mindfulness, and mindset work) is noticing where you are right now. Not judging it. Not trying to be somewhere else. Just noticing.
Every time you catch yourself thinking "I'm bad at this" and bring your attention back? That's success. That's the entire practice. You're not broken. You're learning.
The Relief of Realizing You're Not Broken
You know what changed everything for me?
Realizing that my chaotic, distracted, overthinking brain wasn't a sign I was broken. It was a sign I was human.
And humans have busy brains. That's normal.
The goal isn't to fix your broken brain. The goal is to work with the brain you have.
You're not bad at this. You're not uniquely resistant. You're not the only one who struggles.
You're just a beginner. And beginners are supposed to be messy.
What Actually Matters
Here's what separates beginners who quit from beginners who succeed:
It's not talent. It's not having a naturally calm brain. It's not being "good at it" right away.
It's this: showing up even when you think you're doing it wrong.
That's it.
You don't need to be perfect. You don't need to have it figured out. You don't even need to be "good" at it yet.
You just need to keep showing up. Keep noticing. Keep trying.
Face the storm. That's where the growth lives.
The messiness? That's the storm. The wandering mind? That's the storm. The frustration, the feeling like you're failing, the "I don't know what I'm doing." All of it. That's the storm.
And most people turn back when they hit it. They think "this is too hard" or "I must be doing it wrong" and they quit.
But the growth doesn't happen when it's easy. It happens when you face the storm anyway.
Every time you sit down to meditate even though your mind won't shut up? You're facing the storm.
Every time you catch yourself spiraling and bring your attention back? You're facing the storm.
Every time you show up to practice even when you're convinced you're terrible at it? You're facing the storm.
And that's where you grow.
The struggle is part of the learning. The "doing it wrong" feeling is part of being a beginner.
And every time you face the storm anyway? You're doing it right.
Final Thoughts
If you've been thinking you're bad at mindset work, I want you to try this:
Next time you notice yourself thinking "I'm doing this wrong," pause and ask: "Or am I just learning?"
Because I promise you: you're not broken. You're not uniquely bad at this. You're not the exception.
You're just a beginner who's learning something new. And beginners are supposed to feel like they don't know what they're doing.
That's the whole point. Keep going anyway.
Tired of thinking you're the only one who can't get this stuff to work?
👉I'm hosting a 60-minute workshop in January called "Mindset for Skeptics: A crash course in quieting your brain, for people who hate sitting still." Join the waitlist to be the first to know when registration opens: JOIN THE WAITLIST
