Meditation for People Who Think It’s Bullsh*t
Meditation? Really?
Every time someone told me to “just meditate,” my brain LOL’d. “Sure. Let me go sit in silence with my 822 racing thoughts and see how that goes.”
If meditation feels impossible (or straight-up bullsh*t) you’re not alone and there certainly isn’t anything wrong with you. You’re human. And honestly, you’re the exact kind of person it can help the most.
Step 1: Redefine What Meditation Actually Is
Forget the cross-legged monk image. Meditation isn’t about emptying your mind or becoming some ultra-serious, “I only speak in whispers now” person. If that was the case, I would absolutely NOT be writing this right now. The day anyone sees me as an ultra-serious anything, is the day I need to be committed.
Meditation is about noticing what’s already happening in your head, without letting it take over the driver’s seat.
If you’re sarcastic, funny, high-energy, or your brain runs on full caffeine mode from the moment you wake up… you are my people AND you can still meditate. In fact, those of us who go a billion miles a minute are probably the ones who need it most.
You can laugh, roll your eyes, or make jokes about it and still be doing it right. Because the whole point isn’t to “be calm.” It’s to notice when you’re not.
Step 2: Start Micro-Tiny
Set a timer for one minute.
Close your eyes (or don’t).
Take a breath (inhale for 3… exhale for 6).
When your brain says, “This isn’t working,” notice it and breathe again.
Congrats. You meditated.
🧠 Pro tip: If sitting still makes you twitchy, try “moving meditation.”
Focus while walking, showering, or folding laundry.
The goal isn’t stillness… it’s presence.
Counting your breaths is a great beginner trick to keep you focused. You’ll most likely still drift, but when you realize it, just focus back on your breathing.
Step 3: The Point Isn’t Quiet… it’s Awareness
The goal isn’t to stop thinking; it’s to stop believing every thought as fact.
Meditation helps you catch that microscopic pause between what happens and how you react… that’s where your sanity lives.
That’s where your brain voice finally chills the fuck out.
Book Bite: From Former Meditation Skeptic, Dan Harris
“Make the present moment your friend rather than your enemy.”
— Dan Harris, 10% Happier
Dan Harris—a self-proclaimed skeptical news anchor—literally had a panic attack live on TV before discovering mindfulness. His whole take? You don’t have to be a monk or a mystic to meditate. You can be anxious, sarcastic, busy, and still benefit.
Meditation doesn’t make life perfect—it just makes it about 10% easier to handle. And honestly, that’s a win.
Final Thoughts
You don’t need incense, chanting, or enlightenment.
You don’t have to “get serious” or become a different person.
You can still be the one cracking jokes, blasting 90s music, and running on sarcasm… and also be the person who meditates.
All you need is a few breaths, a little awareness, and the willingness to start again (and again, and again, and again, and again).
Because the real magic isn’t in the silence, it’s in the noticing.
🪜 Ready for the Next Step?
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Short, funny, and packed with tools for quieting your brain voice—no zen monastery required.
Keep an eye out for my upcoming 1-hour workshop where we’ll dive deeper into this fixed vs. growth stuff and I’ll teach you exactly how to start showing your brain who’s boss—without turning into a self-help robot.
