Awareness Comes Before Control (And Why That’s So Annoying)
Everyone wants control.
Control over their thoughts.
Control over their anxiety.
Control over their reactions.
Control over that moment when your brain decides to replay one awkward sentence you said three years ago like it’s a Netflix special.
But here’s the annoying truth: You don’t get control first. You get awareness first.
And awareness doesn’t feel like progress.
Awareness feels like:
“Wow, I really do overthink everything.”
“Cool cool cool… my nervous system is on fire again.”
“Wait… this is the 47th time today I’ve had this same thought.”
At first, it can actually feel like you’re getting worse. Because before awareness, you were spiraling… but at least you weren’t watching yourself spiral. 😬
Now you’re noticing it in real-time.
And that can be frustrating.
You start thinking:
“Why do I feel worse now that I’m paying attention?”
“If I’m so aware, why can’t I stop it?”
“Isn’t this supposed to make me feel better?”
If you’re in that phase, I want you to hear this clearly: Noticing isn’t failure. It’s the beginning.
Why Awareness Feels Like Nothing (Even When It’s Everything)
Awareness doesn’t come with fireworks. It doesn’t come with instant calm. It usually doesn’t come with any immediate payoff.
Awareness is just the moment you realize: “Oh… I’m spiraling right now.”
And that might not sound like much, but it’s huge.
Because before that moment, you weren’t spiraling on purpose.
You were just… gone. Swept up. Hooked.
Awareness gives you a tiny pause. A fraction of a second. And that pause is where control eventually grows.
Not because you suddenly become a calm, emotionally evolved wizard. But because the pause gives you options.
Before awareness: spiral happens automatically.
After awareness: spiral happens… but you can choose what happens next.
That choice might be small at first:
take one breath
unclench your jaw
name the thought
get a drink of water
step away for 30 seconds
do the tool
or do nothing differently, but do it with intention
That’s control. Not perfect control. Not “I never spiral again.”
But some control. And it starts with noticing.
What “Control” Actually Looks Like (At First)
Let’s make this extremely unsexy and realistic.
Early control looks like:
spiraling for 45 minutes instead of 3 hours
noticing you’re doom scrolling and putting your phone down… once
catching the thought after you’ve already sent the email (instead of after you’ve sent 4 follow-ups)
realizing “oh, I’m doing the thing again” while you’re doing the thing
It’s not glamorous. But it’s real.
And it’s the foundation for every tool you’ve ever tried to use.
Because you can’t reframe a thought you don’t notice.
You can’t regulate your nervous system if you don’t realize you’re activated.
You can’t change a pattern you’re not aware is happening.
Awareness is the first domino.
The “I’m More Aware But Not Better” Phase
This is the part no one talks about. There’s a phase where you become more aware… but not more skilled yet.
So, you notice the spiral and you’re like: “Great. Cool. Love that for me.” 🙃
You’re watching yourself do the thing you don’t want to do and you still can’t stop it.
That doesn’t mean awareness isn’t working. It means awareness is working exactly as intended.
You’re building a skill: the ability to see what’s happening without immediately getting pulled under.
That skill comes first. Control comes later.
How to Practice Awareness Without Making It a Whole Production
If awareness is your focus this week, keep it simple.
The goal is not:
deep journaling
perfect mindfulness
turning every thought into a self-improvement project
The goal is simply: notice + name.
That’s it.
When you catch yourself spiraling, name it:
“I’m spiraling.”
“I’m catastrophizing.”
“I’m stuck in a loop.”
“I’m in panic mode.”
No fixing required. Just noticing.
Book Bite: Radical Acceptance — Tara Brach
Tara Brach talks a lot about this idea: awareness isn’t the finish line, it’s the doorway.
Because you can’t accept what you refuse to notice.
And you can’t change what you won’t look at.
Awareness is uncomfortable because it forces honesty.
But that honesty is where growth starts.
The Bottom Line
If you’re noticing more lately, you’re not behind.
You’re building the foundation.
Awareness comes before control.
Pause comes before change.
Noticing comes before doing.
And yes… at first it’s annoying.
But it’s also the start of everything.
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