What If I'm Just Not a 'Positive Person'? (And Why That Doesn't Matter)
Look, I'm not a monster. I'm happy for genuinely happy people. But if one more person tells me to "just think positive thoughts," I might lose it. I'm not wired that way. Never have been. And honestly? I'm tired of feeling like I'm doing life wrong because I'm not a “positive thoughts are all you need” type of person.
Here's the thing though: I teach mindset work. I coach people on how to manage their brains. And I promise you, I am NOT walking around manifesting abundance and sprinkling good vibes everywhere I go.
So if you're reading this thinking "mindset work sounds great but I'm just not a positive person," let me tell you why that doesn't matter at all.
Mindset Work Isn't About Being Positive
Let's clear this up right now: mindset work is not the same as positive thinking.
Positive thinking says: "Just focus on the good! Everything happens for a reason! Good vibes only!"
Mindset work says: "Your brain is telling you a story. Is it true? Is it helpful? What else could be true?"
See the difference?
One asks you to ignore reality and plaster on a smile. The other asks you to look at reality clearly and decide what you want to do with it.
I don't need you to be positive. I need you to be aware.
Awareness Beats Positivity Every Single Time
You know what's more useful than forcing yourself to "think positive"?
Noticing when your brain is catastrophizing.
Catching yourself mid-spiral and saying "wait, is this actually true or is this my anxiety talking?"
Recognizing the difference between a helpful thought and a thought that's just making you feel like shit for no reason.
That's awareness. And awareness works whether you're a naturally optimistic person or someone who sees the world through a more skeptical lens.
You don't have to wake up grateful for another beautiful day. You just have to notice when your brain is telling you "everything is terrible and always will be" and ask yourself if that's actually accurate.
Being Realistic Is Better Than Being Blindly Positive
Here's what nobody tells you: being realistic is actually MORE helpful than being blindly positive.
When you force positivity, you ignore real problems. You gaslight yourself into thinking everything is fine when it's not. You avoid taking action because you're too busy pretending there's no problem to solve.
When you're realistic, you can say "yeah, this situation sucks" AND "here's what I can do about it."
You can acknowledge that you're stressed about money without spiraling into "I'll be homeless by next month."
You can admit that you're struggling without deciding "I'm broken and this will never get better."
Realistic thinking lets you see problems clearly so you can actually address them. Positive thinking just slaps a smiley face sticker on everything and calls it done.
Mindset Tools Work Even When You're Grumpy
I've used mindset tools while actively annoyed. While cynical. While rolling my eyes at the very concept of "personal growth."
And they still worked.
Because mindset work isn't about your mood. It's about your awareness and your response.
You can catch a negative thought and reframe it even if you're in a terrible mood. You can notice you're catastrophizing even if you're feeling skeptical about the whole process. You can choose a more helpful thought even if you don't "feel" positive about it.
The tools work regardless of your natural temperament or current emotional state. That's what makes them tools and not personality requirements.
What Actually Matters
If you're not a naturally positive person, that's completely fine. You don't need to be.
What you DO need:
Willingness to notice your thoughts (even the ugly ones)
Curiosity about whether those thoughts are true (not blind acceptance)
Openness to trying something different (even if you're skeptical)
That's it. You don't need to love every minute. You don't need to feel inspired. You definitely don't need to start a gratitude journal or wake up at 5am to manifest your dreams.
You just need to be willing to work with your brain instead of letting it run wild.
Book Bite: From Realistic Optimist, Mark Manson
"The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one's negative experience is itself a positive experience." — Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
Mark Manson built an entire philosophy around the idea that relentless positivity is actually toxic. You don't need to pretend everything is great. You don't need to suppress negative emotions or force gratitude.
The healthiest thing you can do? Accept that life includes struggle, disappointment, and negativity… and that's okay. Trying to be positive all the time just creates more anxiety because you're fighting against reality.
Awareness and acceptance beat forced positivity every single time.
Final Thoughts
I'm cautiously optimistic on good days and mildly cynical on regular days. I think "good vibes only" culture can be harmful at times.
But I also know how to catch myself when I'm spiraling. I know how to talk back to my brain when it's being an asshole. I know how to reframe thoughts that aren't serving me.
And that's made all the difference. Not because it made me more positive, but because it made me more aware.
So if you've been avoiding mindset work because you think you need to become some glowing beacon of positivity first? You don't. Come as you are. Bring your skepticism. Bring your eye rolls. Bring your "this better not be BS" energy.
It works anyway.
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