Why I'm Not Making New Year's Resolutions (And What I'm Doing Instead)
Every December 31st, I used to do the same thing.
I make a list of everything I was going to change about myself in the new year.
Lose 30 pounds. Meditate every morning. Read 50 books. Journal daily. Wake up at 5am. Drink more water. Stop overthinking. Be more productive. Fix everything wrong with my life.
And every year, by mid-January, I'd have failed at most of them. By February, I'd have quit entirely. And by March, I'd feel like shit about myself.
Sound familiar?
Here's what I finally figured out: New Year's resolutions are set up to fail.
Not because you're lazy. Not because you lack willpower. But because the entire concept is flawed.
The Problem with New Year's Resolutions
Let's be honest about what resolutions actually are:
They're all-or-nothing. You either do it or you don't. There's no middle ground. You either lose 30 pounds or you failed. You either meditate every single day or you're not a "meditation person."
They focus on outcomes, not systems. "Lose 30 pounds" is an outcome. "Move my body more often" is a system. One is pass/fail. The other is directional.
They rely on motivation. And motivation fades. Fast. By January 15th, that "New Year, New You" energy is gone, and you're left trying to white-knuckle your way through habits you don't actually want.
They make you feel like shit when you "fail." Which you will. Because you're human. And humans aren't perfect.
Why Most Resolutions Fail by February
Most New Year's resolutions fail because they're too ambitious, too rigid, and based on what you think you "should" do instead of what actually matters to you.
You're trying to change everything at once. Wake up earlier! Eat better! Exercise more! Meditate! Journal! Be productive! Stop procrastinating! Fix your entire life!
It's exhausting just reading that list.
You can't build 10 new habits at once. Your brain doesn't work that way.
So you try. You last a week, maybe two. And then life happens. You sleep through your alarm. You skip the gym. You eat pizza instead of meal prep. You forget to meditate.
And instead of seeing that as normal human behavior, the kind that happens to literally everyone, you see it as failure. You think, "I can't even stick to a simple resolution. What's wrong with me?"
Nothing's wrong with you. The system is broken.
What I'm Doing Instead: Setting Intentions
This year, I'm skipping the resolutions.
Instead, I'm setting intentions.
What's the difference?
Resolutions are binary. You either achieve them or you don't. Pass/fail. Black and white.
Intentions are directional. They point you in a direction without demanding perfection.
Here's what I mean:
Resolution: "I will meditate for 30 minutes every single day."
Intention: "I want to practice presence more regularly."
Resolution: "I will lose 30 pounds by summer."
Intention: "I want to move my body more often and eat foods that make me feel good."
Resolution: "I will stop overthinking."
Intention: "I want to catch my spirals earlier and respond to them differently."
See the difference?
Resolutions are rigid. Intentions are flexible.
Resolutions set you up for failure. Intentions allow for real life.
Resolutions focus on the end result. Intentions focus on the direction you're moving.
And here's the beautiful part: Intentions don't require you to be perfect.
You can set an intention to practice presence more regularly and still miss a few days. That's not failure. That's life.
How to Set Sustainable Goals Without the Pressure
If you're done with the New Year's resolution bullshit but you still want to make changes… here's how to do it:
1. Start with ONE thing
Not ten. Not five. One.
What's the ONE area of your life you want to shift this year? Pick that. Leave everything else alone for now.
2. Focus on the system, not the outcome
Instead of "lose 30 pounds" (outcome), focus on "move my body 3 times a week" (system).
Instead of "be less anxious" (outcome), focus on "practice grounding tools when I notice spiraling" (system).
Systems are what you control. Outcomes are what happen as a result.
3. Build it into your existing routine
Don't try to create an entirely new routine from scratch. Take what you're already doing and add one small thing to it.
Already drink coffee every morning? Add 3 minutes of meditation right after.
Already brush your teeth at night? Add 2 minutes of journaling right after.
Anchor the new habit to something you already do. It sticks better.
4. Make it so small you can't say no
If your goal is to meditate, start with 3 minutes. Not 30. Three.
If your goal is to journal, start with one sentence. Not three pages. One sentence.
Make it so stupidly small that you have no excuse not to do it.
Once it's a habit, you can build from there. But you have to start small.
5. Track the behavior, not the result
Don't track "Did I lose weight today?" Track "Did I move my body today?"
Don't track "Did I feel less anxious?" Track "Did I use a grounding tool when I noticed spiraling?"
You control the behavior. You don't always control the result.
How to Actually Track Your Progress
Here's what helps: Do a progress audit.
At the end of the year (or every few months), ask yourself:
What's different now compared to 3 months ago?
Not "Am I perfect yet?" or "Have I fixed all my problems?"
Just: What's shifted?
Maybe you:
Notice your thought patterns faster
Use tools more consistently (even imperfectly)
React less intensely to triggers
Recover from spirals quicker
Feel slightly more in control of your brain
Those are wins. Small, quiet, easy-to-miss wins.
But they count. And they're building toward something bigger.
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me
I wish someone had told me earlier: "You don't need to overhaul your entire life on January 1st. You just need to take one small step in the right direction. And then another. And another. That's how real change happens."
I wasted years trying to become a completely different person overnight. Setting massive resolutions I had no chance of keeping. Failing. Feeling like shit. Trying again next year with the same result.
It wasn't until I stopped focusing on outcomes and started focusing on systems (started building tiny, sustainable habits—started giving myself permission to be imperfect) that anything actually changed.
Book Bite: From The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg
"Small wins are exactly what they sound like, and are part of how keystone habits create widespread changes. A huge body of research has shown that small wins have enormous power, an influence disproportionate to the accomplishments of the victories themselves." — Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit
Charles Duhigg is an investigative reporter who spent years researching the science of habit formation. His concept of "small wins" is critical here: when you achieve one small goal, it triggers a pattern that helps you accomplish other goals.
This is why setting ONE intention and building ONE small system is more effective than trying to overhaul your entire life.
That one small win, meditating for 3 minutes, using the 5 Senses Check-In once, catching one spiral, creates momentum. It proves to yourself that you CAN change. And that confidence spills over into other areas.
Don't underestimate the power of starting small. Those small wins compound into major transformations.
The Bottom Line
Skip the resolutions this year.
Set intentions instead. Build systems. Start small. Be patient with yourself.
Real change doesn't happen because the calendar flipped from December 31st to January 1st.
Real change happens because you showed up consistently over time. Messy. Imperfect. Wondering if you're doing it right.
But showing up anyway.
You don't need a "New Year, New You."
You just need the tools to work with the you that already exists.
And that? That's what actually works.
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