What to Do When You Fall Off the Mindset Wagon (Hint: Don't Start Over)
I missed a week of meditation last month.
Not because I was too busy. Not because life got crazy. I just... forgot. Lost momentum. Stopped showing up.
And my immediate reaction? "Well, I ruined my streak. Guess I'll start over on Monday."
But here's the thing: "Starting over" is a trap.
It's the trap that keeps you stuck in an endless cycle of starting, stopping, and restarting. The trap that makes you think you've failed every time you fall off.
And it's bullshit.
Because falling off isn't failure. It's part of the process.
The "All or Nothing" Mindset
Here's what most people do when they fall off the wagon:
They beat themselves up. They think: "I missed three days, so the whole thing is ruined." They throw out all the progress they've made and decide to "start fresh" next week. Or next month. Or next year.
That's the "all or nothing" mindset. And it's keeping you stuck.
Because here's the truth: Progress isn't linear. And consistency doesn't mean perfection.
You're going to fall off. We all do. The question isn't IF you'll fall off. It's what you do when it happens.
Do you give up? Or do you just take the next right action?
Why "Starting Over" Doesn't Work
When you tell yourself you're "starting over," you're discounting all the work you've already done.
You meditated for 14 days straight before you missed a day? That still happened. Those neural pathways you built? Still there. The progress you made? It didn't disappear.
But when you frame it as "starting over," you're treating it like you're back at square one. And that's demoralizing as hell.
Here's the better approach: You don't start over. You start again.
There's a difference.
Starting over says: "I failed. Everything I did before doesn't count. I'm back at zero."
Starting again says: "I paused. Now I'm picking back up where I left off."
One erases your progress. The other acknowledges it.
What Actually Helps: The Next Right Action
So what do you do when you fall off?
You take the next right action. That's it.
Not the perfect action. Not the dramatic action. Just the next small, manageable thing.
Missed three days of meditation? Do 3 minutes today.
Haven't caught a thought in a week? Catch one right now.
Stopped journaling? Write one sentence.
You don't need a plan. You don't need a fresh start. You don't need to wait for Monday.
You just need to do the next right thing. Right now.
Self-Compassion vs Self-Discipline
Here's where most people get this wrong: They think getting back on track requires discipline. Willpower. Forcing yourself to do better.
But research shows the opposite: Self-compassion is more effective than self-criticism for behavior change.
When you beat yourself up for falling off, you're less likely to get back on. Why? Because shame makes you want to avoid the thing that caused the shame.
When you treat yourself with compassion, you're more likely to recommit. Why? Because kindness creates safety. And safety makes it easier to try again.
So, stop beating yourself up. You fell off. So what? You're human. Now get back on.
The Myth of the Perfect Streak
Let's talk about streaks.
I get it… tracking a streak feels good. Seeing those checkmarks pile up is motivating. But here's the problem: When you miss a day and the streak breaks, it feels like everything's ruined.
And that feeling? That's what makes you quit.
Here's what I wish someone had told me earlier: The streak doesn't matter. What matters is that you keep coming back.
100 days in a row? Amazing. But you know what's also amazing? Showing up 100 times over the course of 120 days.
You're not less consistent because you had a few gaps. You're still building the habit. You're still making progress.
Don't let a broken streak convince you to give up. Just keep going.
Real Examples: Falling Off and Getting Back On
Meditation:
❌ "I missed three days. I'll start a new streak next Monday."
✅ "I missed three days. I'll meditate for 3 minutes right now."
Thought-catching:
❌ "I haven't journaled in a week. I'm terrible at this."
✅ "I haven't journaled in a week. I'll catch one thought today."
Mindfulness:
❌ "I forgot my 5-senses check-in yesterday. My progress is ruined."
✅ "I forgot yesterday. I'll do it right now."
Reframing:
❌ "I spiraled all weekend without reframing anything. I give up."
✅ "I spiraled all weekend. I'll reframe one thought today."
See the pattern? Small. Immediate. Compassionate.
How to Recommit Without Shame
Here's how to actually get back on track:
Step 1: Acknowledge what happened (without judgment). "I fell off. That's okay. It happens."
Step 2: Ask: "What's the next right action?" Not "What's the perfect plan?" Just "What's one small thing I can do right now?"
Step 3: Do that thing. Right now. Not later. Not tomorrow. Now.
Step 4: Keep going. One action doesn't fix everything. But it gets you moving again. And momentum builds from there.
That's it. No shame. No drama. No starting over. Just the next right action.
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me
I wish someone had told me earlier: "You don't have to be perfect. You just have to keep going."
I wasted years thinking that every time I fell off, I'd failed. That I had to start over from scratch. That I was bad at this.
But falling off isn't failure. Staying off is.
The moment I started treating setbacks as normal—just part of the process—everything changed.
Not because I stopped falling off. But because I stopped letting it stop me.
Book Bite: From The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown
"Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do." — Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
Brené Brown has spent decades researching shame, vulnerability, and self-compassion. Her work shows that self-compassion isn't soft. It's powerful.
When you own your story — including the messy parts where you fall off—you take away shame's power. And when shame loses its grip, you can actually move forward.
Falling off isn't a character flaw. It's part of being human. Treat it that way.
The Bottom Line
You're going to fall off the mindset wagon. Probably more than once.
And when you do, you have two choices:
Beat yourself up, declare failure, and "start over" (which usually means quitting).
Shrug, take the next right action, and keep going.
Option 2 wins every time.
So, stop waiting for the perfect moment to recommit. Stop punishing yourself for being human. Stop thinking you need to start over.
Just do the next right thing. Right now.
That's all it takes.
Want practical strategies for staying consistent (and getting back on track when life happens)?
👉I'm hosting a live 60-minute workshop in January called "Mindset for Skeptics: A crash course in quieting your brain, for people who hate sitting still." Join the waitlist to be the first to know when registration opens: JOIN THE WAITLIST
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